Aging (American and Canadian English) is the accumulation of changes in an organism or object over time.

After going to the gym (just to prevent expansion of my curves, let alone shrink them), eating salad and fruit for dinner, then touching up my not-quite-brunette roots, I jumped in the shower and began to think.  Yeah, really. 

Now I'm not the biggest exercise fan, as most of you already know.  But a compelling mixture of embarrasment and hope motivated me to climb onto the elliptical and set it to "Damn Near Mountain Climbing", then determinedly take off at a pretty fast clip.  Thirty minutes later, my frustrations were eased and my legs were wobbly, but I felt pretty good about it.  So, why not heap on the burning coals??  I headed over and did a hundred- yes, 100- sets on the Ab machine, then some time on the chest press and vertical traction.  All of which, by my estimation, helped offset about 1/3 of my freaking lunch.  All of a sudden I wasn't quite as stoked about my accomplishments. 

Ethan and I drove over to look at a house, then we came home to eat dinner and play a card game.  I put him to bed, colored my roots (really?  grey hairs??), and pondered my evening.  Here's what I've come up with...

I've always heard that to figure out where you're going, you have to know where you've been.  It's hard to admit that at 30 I have grey hair, a "voluptuous" figure, 2 kids who are smarter than I am, more ex's than I'll put in writing here, and my freckles are beginning to grow together.  But you know, I don't even recognize that kid I was 10 years ago.  Even looking back six months, I can honestly say that I wouldn't have poured my frustrations and worries out onto gym equipment but into a large wine glass- or three...  Or more. 

I don't know what house I'll be living in next year, if I'll be doing the same job, or if I'll be single still.  What I do know is that where I'm going is gonna be good.  My children will be flourishing, my faith will be deep and abiding, and I'll have all of the lessons I've learned these last 10+ years. I'm stronger, and I know who I am- not a bad compass for what lies ahead.

Don't pray for patience.

Explosion: Definition- An explosion is a rapid increase in volume and release of energy in an extreme manner.

Holy cannoli- what a day.  I woke up this morning and I was on a roll!  Left the house a little early, khakis ironed, hair lookin' good, washed the car, had walked the dog... I was on my "A" game, ladies and gents.  Little did I know as I went careening down I-540 what NONSENSE awaited me.  Now, by lunch I had been to a Chamber networking event and had a very successful meeting with a potential vendor, and was back at the house watering the flowers and having a healthy lunch.  After stopping to see a client, I wheeled into the bank parking lot, and THAT is when things took a turn for the worse.  Good news: the packages I was waiting on to come FedEx overnight were in.  Bad news: There were four of them, not two.  Ok, no problem!  I found what I thought were the "correct" ones and took up residence behind the teller line (which, by the way, is not my natural environment) to start working on my project.  This particular project, my friends, has been clinging to life and dragging on since- oh yes- Monday.  Let the Nonsense begin.

My persona at the office is largely what it is at home, just a little more (Ok, a lot) polished.  I'm generally happy and cheerful, and try to be helpful to others.  After the umpteenth phone call this week trying to accomplish this task and- Lord help her- the completely inept and sour person I ended up with on the phone this afternoon, I did what I rarely do... I lost it.  Not griped a little.  Not got a little "testy".  Nope, I full on LOST it.  Everyone on the first floor of the bank heard me giving this girl seven kinds of Hell, from how completely unacceptable her "solution" was and how incompetent her organization is to demanding in a slightly less-than-friendly way to speak to her manager or someone, anyone, who could get something accomplished.  Uh, yeah... I was pretty mean.  Anytime you draw a crowd with your volume and condescending remarks it's probably not a good sign.

Ok, time out.  Was it ridiculous that this simple task had escalated to crisis level?  Yes.  Do I normally try (very hard) to treat people the way I want to be treated?  Yep.  Did I absolutely go bananas on this chick?  Affirmative, roger that. 

In hindsight, I feel bad (more embarrased than sympathetic) that I lost my temper.  I regret having more than likely ruined her day (week??) and the day of everyone else who works with her.  Our retail staff kind of giggled (albeit nervously) when I apologized to them and I now have the reputation for being "kind of mean" when need be.  In looking back I was trying to pin point exactly where I reached boiling point and how I could have made a different, less hag-like choice... In my entire professional career I haven't berated someone like that, and I'm thinking part of my mistake was praying for patience.  God loves me, teaches me, and sometimes has to flat-out knock me in the head to get my attention.  Jesus knows I make my fair share of mistakes, and probably more truth be told.  Did they (the people I was dealing with) screw it up? OH yeah.  Does that give me the right to treat them with any less respect?  Nope. 

Forgive me, Father, as I (learn to) forgive others.  And keep me from having another "rapid increase in volume and release of energy in an extreme manner" anytime soon.

Wise Counsel

  Thank God for wise counsel- especially His.  Today has already been a rough day, and it's only 10:30 am!  I've been presented with one "challenge" after another, and will admit that I've not handled this day very gracefully thus far. 
  I sent an email to my best friend this morning detailing all of my gripes and complaints, and instead of commiserating with me (what I was looking for) she offered wise counsel.  What a blessing that someone has perspective, wisdom, and courage to be plain-spoken.  And thank goodness the Lord put these people in directly in my path on days like today!  I then turned to my daily devotional and was given further reassurance through the Word, which reminded me that my prayer should be to walk so closely with Jesus that other people see him reflected in me.  Basically walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.
So here's the lesson learned, friends:

• When you find yourself frustrated, crabby, and generally poisonous to be around, don't just spread your discontent- do something to change your situation.
• Sometimes you just need to take a step back.  Perspective is everything. (See picture.)
• And when you feel like you can't change what's going on and your perspective still stuck in "poor me" gear, go to God.  He's got it under control, you don't need to worry about it any longer.  You're blessed, be thankful. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

You know, I think it might just be a good day after all. m

In the beginning...

1. E & E on the White River  2. Ella in the stocks!  3. Eth in patrol gear 4. Haircuts! 5. Just being silly

A new endeavor for our family- a blog!  After seeing the great family sites of a few friends, I decided to try one of my own.  My hope is that this blog will serve to keep all of our friends & family up to date on all of the fun, quirky, and everyday things going on here.  Please feel free to make suggestions or comments to help me improve.  Thanks for stopping by!