WHY am I still awake?? It could be the peach tea I had for dinner three hours ago, or it could be the 37,842 thoughts that are all competing for space in my head as of this minute (see image above). I'm tired. My poor little pooping in the house dog is tired. But I'm wide awake at the ol' kitchen table with two laptops, some hot pink nail polish, and last Sunday's paper spread out before me.
I know my thoughts are random; I have the ability to put them into concise literary form and convey them should I be so inclined. I just don't have the inclination to do so. What I want is to expel the unsaid things I'm too polite or PC to say, for example:
"Seriously? Make your punk teenagers pick up their crap from the 4th because now everyone in the cul-de-sac looks like white trash."
"I'm sorry you don't approve of my choices. I don't really give a damn, but thanks for your opinion all the same."
"Please be advised: if you park this close to my new car again you will arrive back at your vehicle to find a minimum of two flat tires on your own transportation, along with a statement on your windshield in Clinique lipstick (shade: Amberglass- a classic)."
"Yes, that second helping of homemade chocolate ice cream was piggish and uncalled for. But they're my (rapidly expanding) thighs/hips/glutes and I choose to appease my raging hormones with this versus a tequila shot at 3 in the afternoon or simply punching the next person I see in the face. Go away, and have a nice day."
Ok, all of these are making me out to be quite the hag. Which I will willingly admit is one of the endearing qualities about my personality so many people are fond of... but really? We are all adults and to be perfectly frank, there are just some situations where you're damned either way- someone will get their feelings hurt, someone will feel slighted, someone will inevitably find some ridiculously petty way to avenge their wounded pride. I have chosen to just throw it all out there without being directly being mean to anyone, in hopes that I get 5 1/2 hours of decent sleep.
I am thankful for the filter God so mercifully puts on this huge mouth of mine- without it these thoughts would have been blurted out instead of brewed on in my head. A harsh word stirs up anger, but a witty post about wanting to verbally assault another seems ok (it's benign). Thanks for listening, now get to bed- no respectable person is up at this hour.
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