As we were driving home this evening, my children were in the backseat- Ellie wanted to play "house" with her baby doll and (God bless him) Ethan was indulging her. To hear them exchange banter back and forth of what "mom" says and "dad" says, I couldn't help but notice how simple and straightforward they were in their roles.
Later, when we had all eaten dinner, Ella asked me to color with her at the table. As I sat there agonizing over which shade of blue to pick for the princess's castle, it occured to me: she (Ellie) was perfectly content. The most important decision she had in mind was what color to make the bows on the princess's dress. She didn't worry over coloring within the lines, or making things match... she was creating, and was happy in the moment.
Ethan asked me after they'd bathed to come check out the website he was currently enthralled in- it gave you a fantasy warrior name, and was the single coolest thing on the planet at the time. Both of my children were enveloped in simple pleasures, and had no thoughts of the coming day or the demands it would surely bring with it. And for a moment I paused, thankful that they were able to be kids.
On my way today to do the endless tasks that accompany every evening, I was talking with a friend of mine and she said, "you know, worry isn't going to solve anything". I nodded and smiled in agreement, but until I saw my children enjoying the moment it didn't really dawn on me- that this is the moment we're given. Admittedly, I am the woman who lies sleepless some nights (most, really) going over the details, the possibilities, and the risks. But when Ellie asked me tonight, "Mommy, I've been wishing and praying and nothing happens... Why?" it occured to me. Even as I was saying the words, I knew (yes, I need the lightbulb moment) that I needed to hear the answer, too: "Honey, God always answers prayers- sometimes it's yes, and sometimes it's no."
If you are like me, you sometimes envy your children's simple, achingly beautiful view of the world. The answer, for me at least, is in the little things- that you're given this moment- you're exactly where you're supposed to be, and that these small blessings that make you happy RIGHT NOW are what you're given. So whether it's coloring or picking out your warrior name, or just looking up at the stars on a quiet evening, be present and thankful in the moment.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Days, Weeks, Years
Bob Dylan sang that time passes slowly. It occured to me today that time, for me, has flown by with such fierceness and blinding speed that the very thought made me pause for a moment.
As many of you know, in less than two months I will be going home. Not for the weekend, but for good. My home is for sale, and I am leaving a successful career to return to my roots and my family. Anxiety about the details sometimes begins to creep around the edges of my controlled demeanor, but I have total faith that He will provide (He always has). And in starting another chapter in my life I contradict, happily, the kid who left years ago and said "this is not where I want to live my life".
Taking stock of my time here has led me to see more clearly how weeks and months turn so astoundingly into years. I distinctly remember the first time I came to Northwest Arkansas searching out anyone and everyone who would accept my resume, and the thrill of finding what would be my children's home for the next decade. We painstakingly made it our own- not just the house, but this new place we had ventured into. I remember finding my first real sales job, and am thankful that I had the opportunity to work for such amazing people who taught me that service and ethics are the ultimate selling tools. Four years ago I became a fixture at Legacy, and while not all days were perfect (some of them were downright hard), I can honestly say with no hesitation that I have loved it thoroughly and passionately.
My son, who was a vivacious toddler when he was first introduced to this beautiful area, has grown into a young man. His intellect and creativity constantly leave me in wonder, and his heart is pure gold... with a little dirt thrown in for good measure. Ellie was born here, we brought her home from St. Mary's to the Winnie the Pooh nursery we had labored over for months. Now she has more personality that I've ever dreamed of having, and with each passing day she becomes more independent- and beautiful.
I am looking forward to the adventure of going home. There is comfort in the familiarity of the place I grew up, and happiness in being so near to my family. Nostalgia caught me by surprise today, though, and I can say it's been a better ride these last 10 years than I have deserved.
As many of you know, in less than two months I will be going home. Not for the weekend, but for good. My home is for sale, and I am leaving a successful career to return to my roots and my family. Anxiety about the details sometimes begins to creep around the edges of my controlled demeanor, but I have total faith that He will provide (He always has). And in starting another chapter in my life I contradict, happily, the kid who left years ago and said "this is not where I want to live my life".
Taking stock of my time here has led me to see more clearly how weeks and months turn so astoundingly into years. I distinctly remember the first time I came to Northwest Arkansas searching out anyone and everyone who would accept my resume, and the thrill of finding what would be my children's home for the next decade. We painstakingly made it our own- not just the house, but this new place we had ventured into. I remember finding my first real sales job, and am thankful that I had the opportunity to work for such amazing people who taught me that service and ethics are the ultimate selling tools. Four years ago I became a fixture at Legacy, and while not all days were perfect (some of them were downright hard), I can honestly say with no hesitation that I have loved it thoroughly and passionately.
My son, who was a vivacious toddler when he was first introduced to this beautiful area, has grown into a young man. His intellect and creativity constantly leave me in wonder, and his heart is pure gold... with a little dirt thrown in for good measure. Ellie was born here, we brought her home from St. Mary's to the Winnie the Pooh nursery we had labored over for months. Now she has more personality that I've ever dreamed of having, and with each passing day she becomes more independent- and beautiful.
I am looking forward to the adventure of going home. There is comfort in the familiarity of the place I grew up, and happiness in being so near to my family. Nostalgia caught me by surprise today, though, and I can say it's been a better ride these last 10 years than I have deserved.
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